Tuesday, February 28, 2012

if some people could talk....

disclaimer: the following article is my imagination of what the persons listed might say. i have a right to my imagination. this is a work of fiction.

i thought it would be fun to line up some of the irritating people in taiwan like they're barbie dolls (yes i am psychotic) and have them say shit that i've always wanted them to say. just for fun. oh, the truths they might tell....

S.H.E.- hi. we're taiwan government approved "artists", singing government approved songs with government approved lyrics in order to create government approved thinking in taiwan people so they are easy to control. please follow us mindlessly, and be sure to wave light sticks at concerts like you're part of a cult. thank you for your support.

girly male pop star- hi. i'm a girly guy taiwan star. my purpose is to create an unattainable standard in taiwan women's minds so that all guys here are forced into this soft, girly, doting mode. of course no real man can meet this standard, so TW women will become lesbians, thereby satsifying the agenda of state femenists in the bureau of news and cultural affairs. i also am the least talented MFer in taiwan. yet i continue to receive millions in budget, while indie artists receive none!

Sanrio All Stars- hi.we're the sanrio all-stars. we were created by a japanese company to provide a safe form of adolescent male sexual fixation while at the same time satifying the pedophilic needs of older men, as well well as helping girls to be sexual duds by dressing and acting half their age and living in a fantasy of percieved innocence. there are 8 of us, which ensures that you will like at least one of us and therfore buy our products. we hope that all asian women will become useless,infantile hello kittys who don't know what their VJ is for

average taiwan girl- hi, i'm a typical taiwan girl. i have a sky high unrealistic standard,because my VJ is made of gold (my daddy says so). i like men who listen to me, even when i utter totally stupid shit, and also gives me time to be with my girlfriends who are also totally stupid. i am 27 but dress like i'm 17, and talk like i'm on helium. even if i'm fat, i think all men are chasing me, but no man is good enough for me even though i weigh 100kgs (my daddy says so). i pick bimbo names like candy and summer, read comics and ridiculous romance novels, and basically am a dud.my dippiness is only matched by my breeder mentality. yes, sex is just for creating a son for my perfect boyfriend when we get married.

little S- i'm an over priviledged rich girl who gets more airtime than i'm worth. i love emascualting half the male population by bragging about how many babies i want to have with my hubbie. i have too many commericals on TV, and basically contribute to the dismal shallowness of the entertainment industry here.

wu dzong shien- i'm a taike. i tell stupid tasteless jokes on TV, and encourage others to be a taike. our culture (taike) is the greatest. other cultures produced radio, refrigeration, medical technology, etc. but our culture is still the greatest because we ride motorcycles with bad posture and spit betelnut. remember, the only thing that is important is to be a taike, and to hate foriegners.

fresh off the boat, condescending foriegner- i'm so happy to be here. everything about taiwan is wonderful, especially that fact that they let me be on TV as long as i say shallow things that reinforce their stereo type of western people. i also go along with whatever my bushiban boss says and teach english the way taiwan people like to be taught, aka the way that doesn't work. in fact, i can play around with these kids and make great money, so why rock the boat?

hmmm, all i can think of for now.


  1. Ouch! That tickles! Okay you leave out the internet Gamania addicts, also the all-purpose face mask which is not viewed as a threat even in visits to the bank, and why when Taiwanese visit the US, they suddenly can do without them...Well, maybe the US has a lot less germs...

  2. point taken^^. thanks for stopping by.

  3. I am curious that what teaching methods you have in mind if you're out of your bosses' reins?